I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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