Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
