The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
