oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
