Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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