What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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