Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
