Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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