Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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