He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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