It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
