i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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