When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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