I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
