I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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