either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
false alarm, still single
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