Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
