Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
