there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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