do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
