Sober January is a disaster.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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