he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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