Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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