Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
