Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
