u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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