Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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