you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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