dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
