We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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