i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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