Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
