Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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