She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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