Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
