I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
