I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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