Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
