You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
