32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
