Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
