I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
