Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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