I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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