I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think people are normalizing furries
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
