i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
