dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
