i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize