hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
