Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
