I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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