its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Im part way to drunk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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