HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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