my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
