took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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