really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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