It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
