apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
being pregnant is like rehab
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
