i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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