My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
