he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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