This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Randomize
