so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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