mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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