hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize