Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The struggles of a small town man whore
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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