Its about making memories worth repressing
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Walk of Shame today included voting.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
