I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
