If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
no you cant smoke seaweed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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