I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
