ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
