hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
