Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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