honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
