you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize