and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
