I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
